Home or Hell ?

October 06, 2018

Home or Hell ?

Welcome back my dear readers. Hope you all have had a productive week. I, for one, am exhausted from all the Durga Puja shopping. But who gets tired from shopping, really ?
Anyways, its been a whole month since I started this blog. And I wanna thank, however limited readers I have, for reading my posts. This means the world to me.

So, for this week, I want to talk about a serious topic, for a change. Its something that effects almost everyone in their lives, or someone they know. It is known by most, but chosen to be left in the background most of the time. This week, I'm talking about the elephant in the room - DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

Domestic violence (or domestic abuse or family violence) is violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. It may be termed intimate partner violence when committed by a spouse or partner in an intimate relationship against the other spouse or partner, and can take place in heterosexual or same-sex relationships, or between former spouses or partners. Domestic violence can also involve violence against children, parents, or the elderly. It takes a number of forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, economic, religious, reproductive, and sexual abuse, which can range from subtle, coercive forms to marital rape and to violent physical abuse such as choking, beating, female genital mutilation, and acid throwing that results in disfigurement or death. Domestic murders include stoning, bride burning, honor killings, and dowry deaths.

The above is just a definition given by Wikipedia. But sadly for millions( Yes !!) around the world & in our country, its become a part of their lives. Research has established that there exists a direct and significant correlation between a country's level of gender equality and rates of domestic violence, where countries with less gender equality experience higher rates of domestic violence. Domestic violence is among the most under-reported crimes worldwide for both men and women. Reports also suggest that domestic abuse against women in poorer families is far higher than the middle or upper class.

A 2014 study in The Lancet states, "Whereas an 8·5% prevalence of sexual violence in the country [India] is among the lowest in the world, it is estimated to affect 27·5 million women in India [given India's large population]".Further, the 2006 survey found that 85% of women who suffered sexual violence, in or outside of marriage, never sought help, and only 1% reports it to the police.

The act of domestic violence towards women is a human rights violation as well as an illegal act under the Indian law. It is therefore widely considered a threat to women’s agency through any lens, and there is a growing recognition in many Indian regions that the nation can reach a higher potential through obtaining greater social and economic capital than by reducing women’s participation in society.

I would also like to point out the role of our social conditioning, since birth. A girl is taught to be quite, submissive & tolerant in her life & whatever happens in it. She must be a silent viewer to the choices of her partner or family, take care of them in every way, must not be outspoken or be anything outside the norms of the so-called-society ideals. A boy, on the other hand, must be strong, independent, leader-like, and ideally less emotional. He must let others take care of him. He must conquer & rule, and must never bow down to women. Of course, as always there are exceptions of people who aren't like this, and society is gradually changing its perceptions. But sadly, this is the truth. And from here stems, the problem of domestic violence, especially towards women, by men who think they must be commanding them & their lives, or else must bear consequences. I read a few interesting lines somewhere regarding the social conditioning of men & women in India, for which I'll provide a link below, although I'm not sure who said/wrote it. It makes a lot of sense & sheds crucial light on whats wrong with it. Be sure to read it !!

Domestic violence is also about dominance & control as well. By slowly shattering the will of the abused, the abuser gains power over their subjects. This must be why even after being severely abused, these cases are still so rarely reported & the victims feel a sense of guilt doing so. You may have fleeting moments, where in one you are suddenly abused & in the other, are felt loved and cherished. You think that even if abused, I'm loved. But is that really the case, or are you choosing to focus only on the positives instead ? And having children makes it even more of a battle. Maybe stay for the kid's sake, suffer more yourself to let them have a "happy" family ? The children may be also suffer abuse, if not physically then emotionally, and bear the brunt of it all on their innocent, growing minds. To top it all, are the outer opinions of the society, people outside the circle of abuse. But everything seems easier said than done for the victim, who is yet to become a survivor of domestic violence, be it a man or a woman.

While in recent times, our government has made amendments to the law, a lot has still to be done for the violence & abuse that happens rampantly in the country. On 19 March 2013, the Indian Parliament passed a new law with the goal of more effectively protecting women from sexual violence in India. It came in the form of the Criminal Law (Amendment) Act, 2013, which further amends the Indian Penal Code, the Code of Criminal Procedure of 1973, the Indian Evidence Act of 1872, and the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act, 2012. The law makes stalking, voyeurism, acid attacks and forcibly disrobing a woman explicit crime for the first time, provides capital punishment for rapes leading to death, and raises to 20 years from 10 the minimum sentence for gang rape and rapes committed by a police officer. The new law sadly doesn’t address marital rape, rape committed by the armed forces or rape against men. But all this is only possible, if the crime is reported !!!!

The most important thing for the victims of domestic violence, or any form of abuse for that matter, is to SPEAK UP !! Get help for yourself and others involved in the case. It doesn't have to be a big step all at once, maybe few, small ones that take you towards your goal of a happy, stress-free life you always dreamed of living. And if you have kids, remember, you must be in good health yourself to give them the good life they deserve with you. Think with a calm mind, you being happy means a lot to your child as well. And then, speak to your near ones and ask them for their help, or maybe a counselor or seek help online. There are many Woman's rights societies that help the victims, especially for life after domestic violence. Many celebrities are speaking up about it & slowly but surely, the stigma attached to it seems to be fading. Hopefully, all the help you need should be nearby you. I'm adding a few links below for helplines in India for domestic Violence too. Just remember, you DO NOT have to SUFFER !!

I hope this post has illuminated you on a few facts & has been helpful regarding this subject. It obvious just skims the surface of this daily demon, that is domestic violence. I do not judge anyone for the life choices they make or are yet to. But I would love for everyone to be infinitesimally HAPPY , to fulfill their goal of a peaceful & joyous life, and to place their well-being & safety above others, specially in situations like this.

So go ahead, BE HAPPY FOR YOU !!